They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We left an ass print on the piano.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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