cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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