people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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