btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
