Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
