Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
