Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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