1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
How's work?
Spinning.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
