I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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