i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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