areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
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