it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
handjob tips. give me some.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize