the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
