I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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