Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
