I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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