Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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