Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
