I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
