You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
