Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
