i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize