I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
