just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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