I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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