420 ftw
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
