I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
