Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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