Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
