Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
