Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
