I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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