Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
