I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
