she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
