We're like a lot better than the average bears
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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