You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
