You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
