Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
