well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
