yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
