He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
This toilet bowl is my home.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
