Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Who died my cat blue again?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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