I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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