My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
