What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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