My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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