final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You pole danced in your parka.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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