theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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