When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
