I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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