when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
