What did we do last night that was yellow?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
