it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
