I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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