then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
