Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We were destined to go to rehab together
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
