Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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