Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
