dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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