he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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