And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
