Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
