you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
