Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My vagina is very pro this idea
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
