I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
