I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
