To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You did what with his pubic hair?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
