that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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