he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
