Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize