I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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