She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
