i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The struggles of a small town man whore
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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