Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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