i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
