i need an iv and a liver transplant
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
