Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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