i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
