i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
