He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
