We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
