Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Operation Purity has been aborted
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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