You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
