i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
that is very illegal...i love you.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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